Delhi-based, Ramanan Mathew and Aarti D’costa's marriage was arranged by their families, and they were both excited and nervous about starting a life together. All the more because she is from Uttar Pradesh in the North while Ramanan is from Kerala. They got married in 2019 which was a smooth year. But as time passed, they started to notice differences in their personalities and communication styles. Though the cultural differences were not much as originally both are from South India, something was amiss. Ramanan Mathew and Aarti D’costa share their journey in their own words with Mahima Sharma, Consulting Editor, Baely.
"It wasn't until the first wedding anniversary that we realized we had different ways of expressing love," Ramanan said, taking a sip of his tea. "I had planned a surprise for Aarti, buying her expensive gifts and decorating our home with flowers and candles. But to my surprise, she seemed less than thrilled and even disappointed."
Aarti nodded, her eyes still pained at the memory. "I appreciated the gesture, but I was disappointed that Ramanan didn't express his love verbally and spend quality time with me."
They had never heard of the concept of love languages until a friend mentioned it to them. Intrigued, they took an online quiz to identify their love languages.
"Turns out, Ramanan's primary love languages were acts of service and gifts, while mine were words of affirmation and quality time," Aarti said with a smile.
With this newfound knowledge, they started making an effort to express love in each other's love languages. Why we call it newfound language is because people usually express love in their own love language before they grasped the other one’s and that was what these two were doing!
"I started doing small acts, spending time with her like tossing up breakfast together, or helping her do laundry," Ramanan explained. "Beyond this, we would go out on weekly dates as a couple - intra-city or intercity whatever we could manage the best. On the other hand, Aarti began surprising me often with surprise gifts of the utility items I would need. She is a wise spender, so it would make me feel highly privileged too.”
But there were still instances where they struggled to communicate effectively.
"I am sharing what we faced with an example. When I was going through a tough time at work, I withdrew from Aarti and stopped communicating with her," Ramanan admitted, his face etched with regret. "Aarti felt neglected and unloved; she also felt I was hiding something and one day she blurted out the same with anger."
"Anger, because I was deeply hurt, after all, I am the life partner! Also, I needed information from him, so that we could deal with the situation as a team of two," Aarti added. "So I motivated him to speak out. He began opening up gradually and we sat down and had an open and honest conversation, where Ramanan explained his situation. We came up with a solution where Ramanan would make an effort to communicate with me, even if he didn't feel like it."
Their journey was not without its challenges. When Aarti's family came to visit them, Ramanan found it challenging to express his love in front of them.
"I wanted Ramanan to spend quality time with me even when my family was around. But he felt uncomfortable," Aarti said, her eyes downcast.
"We discussed our feelings - she shared her resentment, I shared my hiccups. And after good open communication we came up with a plan where we would spend alone time together, away from our families, to connect and express our love," Ramanan said, placing his hand over Aarti's.
Through these challenges, Ramanan and Aarti learned to empathize with each other and understand their different love languages.
"We realized that expressing love isn't just about what makes us happy, but about what makes our partner feel loved and appreciated," Aarti said. "We now know each other's love languages so well that we can anticipate each other's needs and make an effort to express love in ways that resonate with our partner."
As they sat in their cosy living room, the memories of their journey together flooded back. They had come a long way since that first anniversary, but their journey was not yet over. They knew that understanding each other and communicating effectively would be an ongoing process.
"But we've learned that it's worth the effort," Aarti said, looking lovingly at Ramanan. "Our marriage has become stronger, and we feel more connected than ever. And that's all that really matters." Ramanan’s eyes brighten up while feeling a sense of contentment wash over him.
"I couldn't agree more," he said. "I'm grateful for every moment we've spent together, and I'm excited for all the adventures that lie ahead."
As the Sun began to set, they wrapped their arms around each other, feeling the warmth of their love surrounding them. Together, they had learned the true meaning of love, and they knew that their love story was just beginning.
Click the link to learn more about - Love Languages: What They Are and Why They Matter For Your Relationship
The names of the individuals have been changed on their request.
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
