Today I am here to share the story of Cyrosi and Soman Bharucha, who hail from Pune in Maharashtra, India. The story of their love and determination to pull Cyrosi from her postpartum depression and many such related negative feelings, that she was sinking to, in early 2020. The pandemic lockdown and the birth of their child at the same time pushed her into severe depression. She was in a well paid job and a very social person before this long forced leave happened.
Soman wasn't aware of her mental health issue, till his mother noticed some odd changes in the wife's behavior. He spoke to his friends and they began their journey together to heal as a couple. What is the journey? Why did Soman also have to heal?
Spotted Signs That My Wife Was Depressed
"My friends mentioned that my spouse could need treatment, so I started searching for early indications of depression in her. The first step is to understand the warning signals and to accept them" recalls Soman Bharucha. "At that point, proximity becomes important. You interact with this individual on a daily, if not hourly, basis, so it's important to keep an eye out for subtle changes that develop over time. You'll notice these and think, "Hmm, that seems out of character," when they occur.
Cyrosi adds from her end, "Changes in your relationship might be indications of depression. I was separating myself from him, focusing on just the kid. In other cases, you can look out if your partner is more agitated. Have they increased their alcohol consumption? Are they engaging in illegal drug experimentation? There are various things that one needs to look out for-even sleep. Are they sleeping more or less than usual? In my case, I would sleep through the day except when my kid needed me to feed or play with her."
Be There for the Spouse/Partner
While it's acceptable if you don't have all the answers, what you can do is simply sit and listen; listen to the heart-to-heart talk, just listen, don't share your tips, your opinions, let the partner talk it out, vent it out, asserts Soman.
Cyrosi adds, " Soman was always there to provide hugs, and hold my hands; his touch would make me calm down, and there was less anxiety. And he would always say—Tell me how I can assist, please. You matter to me, I am available for you. Together, we will get through this. I can't thank him enough for his thoughtfulness and the time he took to heal me from within." She would share everything - the post partum depression after the birth of their kid, the pain from the loss of her best friend to COVID19, and also the pain of having a careless house help.``
Soman took all necessary actions into getting a better hand to help her (the house help was educated enough to understand that Madam was unwell). He also encouraged the lady to push Cyrosi and engage her also in the housework to divert her mind.
Educate Yourself About Depression & At-home therapies
"See Mahima, when you deal with someone who is mentally unhealthy at home, you have also to learn for yourself. Your companion needs to be patient and loving. It is simpler to display both after learning about depression and the therapies that are accessible."
The wife looked into his eyes with love and said, "Additionally, Soman communicated intelligently and had a greater grasp of the ups and downs of the therapeutic process which we began later. Even external help was necessary."
Therapy Sessions with An Expert
Soman would take her to a psychologist on a weekly basis for mental health sessions. They would take it together like a team. "See, we realized that it works best only as a team. The other spouse may not be depressed, but the vibes are rubbing on him too, so his pain also needs to be mounted off. That's what a joint psychological session does," Cyrosi emphasizes.
"We understood the importance of regular long drives, of sitting in nature. She began healing from within. There came a time when she would wake up at 6AM, drag me off the bed and we would go for long walks in the park. I would be beyond words of joy, seeing the happy change within three months of acknowledging her issues and taking therapy sessions," chuckles Soman.
Additional Supportive environment at Home
Cyrosi goes on, " We also focused on healthy eating, because I had put on much weight. Obesity also causes depression due to less secretion of happy hormones. We began exercising together at a nearby open-air gym. We realized that closed surroundings made me feel nauseating, so we would be happy in the open-air manual gym in the park."
Soman informs, to make this change happen he ensured that she got less stress while at home. He did his daddy duties without an instruction from her whenever he was home. "I also ensured that we made all plans together, be it preparing a meal at home as a couple to detox, or traveling with our kid, or for that matter planning a party with common friends. I would engage her deeply into everything which kept her mind off any negative thoughts."
"Oh yes, even if it's a surprise date for me, he plans it with me only," Cyrosi pinches Soman and we all laugh.
And then came a miracle!
Small things go a long way; in barely six months Cyrosi returned back to work from her maternity break and that too with a very positive mindset. That was circa 2020. Today she is a mental health advocate in her organization, is pursuing a course in Human Psychology and Mental Health, and is moving towards making more lives better.
"We all are in this together as a society, as a nation. Unless we accept it and hold hands, to pull each one out, we cannot be a healthy nation. Hope you know that 80% of health issues in life like BP, Diabetes, and more are a result of poor mental health? The day we work together, we will be able to uproot this from India," asserts Cyrosi.
Soman smiles, and we exchange pleasantries with a resolve to help Cyrosi in her mission to make the world a better place with real happiness and joy.
Final Word from their Psychologist, Dr. Amna Bahera, "How to make your relationship stronger?" Engaging in modest things together on a regular basis, such as making a meal, watching a movie, or finishing a long-abandoned DIY project, helps to a large extent to improve your relationship. Engaging in happy work, even in the face of despair will help you maintain and develop your relationship into a strong one.
(The actual names and location of the couple have been withheld by them due to some technical reasons, as they wish to create a mental health startup and disclose the name and details along with the same)
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
