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"We almost broke up our marriage four times, but all four times we decided to give it a final thought either via taking help from senior friends or finally through a very good marriage counsellor. Thus, our story isn't about us, it's actually about so many of us, who are shy to take external help and let the bond fail. Our story is about how proper guidance can help patch up differences in a way that families and friends cannot," asserts Resham and Satvik Shukre from Pune who have been married for some 7 years now.
"Resham comes from a financially very sound family like mine, she runs a tea-garden down South. While I run an aviation sector related business pan India. We met through our extended families and had a big fat Indian wedding, though we wanted a silent one, considering she isn't much into fanfare and loud late night parties," recalls Satvik who says they have been in a pre-wedding courtship for six months where they shared their likes and dislikes and agreed to many things. Many things which later fell apart due to life and works' demands on each side.
THE STORM IN THE TEA CUP
Resham explains how, "His business involves meeting high profile people and late night meetings over business dinners etc. Many times these flow into spouses being called over to mingle and create stronger bonds. Since my work involves a lot of travel down South and back to Pune, these parties became a headache for me. While initially, he was OK with my absence, later due to peer pressure and family interference, things started becoming sad among us."
"She would not attend parties regularly and my family who has handed over this business to me as a heir would often grudge that they chose a wrong partner for me. It is actually their mindset that created more issues than her absence. Initially to have our own peace, we thought that we may part ways, but then internally we both sat like friends to discuss "can something be worked out?" Satvik adds.
WE STARTED RESOLVING OUR ISSUES... SLOWLY
"Every time we sat together, all we could find in common was that our family on each side was playing a hard ball and being biassed in their opinions due to their sheer love for us. So we decided to speak to our friends who were married for a longer time than us. Initially their advice helped us in some ways to calm down, three times we evaded a breakup," recalls Resham.
Satvik goes on to add," We started taking holidays together, we started being on work with each other to understand each other's work demands. Like at times I would work from the Tea Estate or she would work from my office in Pune. This way, we knew where common troubles and her negative presence at the business parties were coming from. This helped us ignore our family advice as to who was guilty etc. Soon they stopped guiding us negatively." And they were happy on their own.
HAVING A CHILD WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPPORT? SO WHAT NEXT…
"But that wasn't enough. It had been six years since our wedding. I wanted to start a family, but due to break-neck speed work demands, and of course the family silence and zero support, we didn't know how to do this!" Resham reminisces that the families went silent when they refused to part ways despite all odds and that's when they both realised that glad they were that they didn't pay heed to them. She asserts that till date they both don't know why the families brought them together and later wanted them apart.
Coming back to the point, she asserts," I told Satvik high time we plan a child.
He was negative considering that we had just begun being mentally strong and it was a huge responsibility. Thus, she went back to her elderly friend for advice. "She advised me to take a few sessions from a marriage counsellor. Initially Satvik found it very odd," informs Resham.
NO HARM IN CONSIDERING A PSYCHOLOGIST
"Yes, I had a notion that I am mentally sane, so why should I seek help? And that's when our friend intervened to explain that there is no harm in meeting the counsellor once and if we don't find a happy note we can always stop going. She also insisted that good mental health is a must to sustain a bond, so it's about a future target not a current goal," Satvik opens up. He adds, "I must say three sessions down the line, we started introspection towards our own selves, we knew where we had faltered with each other, we knew how the sensitivity and sensibility both had to be each one's responsibility.
THE BIGGEST JOY....IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE!
"We both began working towards it and as you can see, we are just three months away from delivering our first child," chuckles a very happy and content Resham.
She asserts that they began taking working holidays together. She began attending two work parties a month that Satvik would plan around her work calendar and health. He began meeting her business partners and their families once in a while. With time Satvik also realised how her work is equally important and how she is a parallel asset to their team as an angel investor in her own way. So and and so forth they took firm steps.
THE MESSAGE
Satvik smiles while holding Resham's hands warmly and wraps up with a few very important words," In the hustle bustle of life, most of us are living in nuclear families and we think that friends and family will always be there to guide us. But at times we are wrong because they may not be experienced enough to handle or help in a peculiar issue that we might be facing. And then step in marriage counsellors who are experts with much more experience in handling such and more cases. The whole idea is to sustain a good bond which might be breaking up due to simple issues, the idea is to learn from the right people, step by step. Now we are consulting them on how to become closer again to our parents. And we know once they become grandparents things will become more positive. In short, life is a journey together with your soulmate, so let the souls stay connected via the right musical chords. And to play them right, you need the right tutor. Cheers."
(The names of the above family members have been changed at request from the family, to maintain the privacy of their relationship.)
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Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of BaelyApp or the Journalist. Neither BaelyApp nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
