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This is the story of a real life couple from Delhi-NCR who are in their mid-forties. What is unusual and away from so-called societal norms, is their relationship where the husband is the full time care-taker of the daughters, while the mother looks after the finances.
"Why is your father always at home? Why doesn't he go out like other fathers to earn? Ma'am today I have an answer to all these and more that the society has asked us always" chuckles 16-year-old Devanshi who has topped the class ten exams and has also recently won a Table Tennis Championship Gold Medal. The younger one Rudrakshi is an ace swimmer at 13 years.
"My daughters always had answers, but this time they have silenced so many!" Adds the mother Radhika Singh Lobu.
So what's the story of this inspirational couple that they have emerged through with flying colours?
WHY THE ARRANGEMENT?
Tsering Lobu had an accidental fall in early 2013 and landed with a critical slip disc. "Post that it was tough to work as an IT professional as it would demand long sitting or travelling hours. My back would give up off and on," he informs me.
"His condition worsened by the end of 2013 and he was bed ridden for a whole month. And was put on leave without pay for that time," informs his wife Radhika Singh Lobu, who adds that their finances went for a major toss.
"That's when it struck Radhika that being a senior banker at a nationalised bank, hers was a stable job and mine was not. She asked, ``Why don't we make an arrangement where I could be at ease?"
Though Radhika was hesitant when she popped this question to Tsering, yet he smiled and decided to be the 'stay-at-home manager.' "All the more because I knew we could not afford a Nanny for the children due to the rising financial crunch," describes Tsering.
THE MAJOR DECISION...
Early 2014, Tsering quit his full time job to bring up their two daughters who were seven and four years old then.
"Soon the word spread among the neighbours, relatives and everyone else. Despite knowing our plight, their brickbats were a very hurting time. But, we decided to share the reasons gradually with our daughters to make them headstrong," recalls Radhika. Sometimes Radhika would break down, but Tsering would smile and say, "It's ok, they haven't walked into our shoes, so they will never know the rough terrains we are walking through."
THE JOURNEY…
Tsering joined part-time work from home in 2015 after a stable recovery, but he ensured that his work hours were restricted to the time when his daughters were away to school.
"In other hours he would happily cook breakfast for them, get them ready to school, pick them back to home, take them to extra-curricular activities, teach them at home (no tutor hired so far). All this while I ensured that I take no further promotions so that I am not transferred to another city to retain this mutual work and home set-up," details Radhika, who says that outsiders' taunts didn't die down!
MAINTAINING MENTAL HEALTH
She goes on, "We do have our moments of setback, of hurt, of sadness when we are still subjected to mental trauma. But, over the years, we have figured out ways to stay sane and take it all in our stride."
Radhika chuckles, "Firstly, we hug each other like a couple, like a family group hug." "It's magical," winks Tsering. Radhika agrees with another wink and adds, "It heals like no other."
They ensured that none of the four hides any such sadness or taunts from each other. "As a family we sit, talk and try to find solutions to deal with the same in a better way next time," Tsering informs, adding the Obamas inspire him!
"Secondly, we ensure that as a couple we never miss our meditation routine. It makes us calm and strong from within. Lastly, if at all a certain day gets heavy on emotions, we ensure that no matter what, we go out into nature for a break, even if it means visiting the nearby parks, and not outside the city," asserts Radhika.
A deeply thoughtful Tsering, "My wife has sacrificed her motherly moments to run the finances. So, when she is home, I ensure that she doesn't do house chores at all. I ensure that she spends that time playing, studying, doing crafts etc with our daughters." They look at each other gently, smile and hold hands.
The eyes say it all, the love, respect and care is so emotional and inspirational.
SOME HILARIOUS MOMENTS...
Radhika tells me that Rudrakshi often jokes around how her Dad didn't even know how to cook Maggi, when he married her. “But, today he can beat any Master Chef in not just Indian but other foreign cuisines as well !"
Radhika goes on to add," Despite being from two different communities, when my father first met Tsering at a wedding, he loved his gentlemanly attitude and very educated and open mindset. And today I am proud of his choice because my man has Un-gender-ed our life! Tsering always tells us cooking and cleaning is a survival skill, not a gender job! Also, he never let any kind of societal pressure build on me as to why we don't have a son?! In many more ways than what you see, Tsering is the pillar of strength at our nest, emotionally as well as financially. Because earning alone is not enough, managing it all in a limited amount of money with such elan, holding the fort, is what it takes to be a true man!"
And Radhika hugs Tsering in deep respect while he gently pats her cheeks.
THE MESSAGE
Tsering and Radhika believe it is the mutual respect and care for each other that holds the bond of a husband and wife, strong despite all odds. They are strongly of the view that there is no term like a house husband or housewife, it is all about joint home management as soulmates.
(The names of the above family members have been changed at request from the family, to maintain the privacy of their relationship.)
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of real-life interviewed couples . The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the couple and the claims of the story line shared by them do not reflect the views of BaelyApp or the Journalist. Neither BaelyApp nor the Journalist does not hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
