“Pyaar dosti hai”; love is friendship. We’ve all heard this iconic quote by Shahrukh Khan aka Rahul and resonated with it right away.
In the movie ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ when he sets out to pursue Tina, he first wishes to be her friend. Even later in life, he finds love again in his long-lost friend Anjali. Although fictional, their relationship teaches us how valuable friendship can be for building a loving relationship.
The movie highlights that friendship is at the core of their relationship. After all, when you are friends with someone, you have mutual respect and enjoy each other's company.
Now think of your close friends, how do you feel around them? You may have known them for decades or a couple of years but the feelings of safety, trust, and affection stand strong. It is these emotions that build a strong foundation for our relationship.
Wouldn't we want this with our partner as well? Let's dive into what a solid friendship means in a romantic relationship
If you and your partner have already established a friendship in your relationship, then you get to enjoy the ingredients of a healthy relationship. These valuable ingredients are -
When you are friends with your partner, you look forward to experiencing new things with them, you value what they have to say, and, perhaps most importantly, you feel safe with them. You are less likely to feel judged when you feel safe and you are more likely to share your feelings, dreams, and everyday events since you have a good foundation of trust.
Friendship fuels the flames of romance. In fact, research has found that having a friendship component in one's romantic relationship leads to better outcomes over time, including a more satisfying relationship, companionship, positive emotional well-being, and even greater sexual satisfaction.
Maintaining friendship in your relationship also offers the best protection against negative feelings between couples. As friends, you are more likely to remember positive thoughts about each other and the relationship which can help supersede the negative feelings. This positivity causes us to feel optimistic about each other and the relationship, to assume positive things about our lives together, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. So when trying to improve our relationship, we could address several problems at once simply by focusing on being friends.
With the wear and tear on a relationship - changing expectations & life stages, friendship can often be neglected. Amidst new roles of parenthood, homeowners, and daily chores, our time as friends can reduce over time. However, it is the very elements of friendship - humor, being silly, and sharing hobbies together that can re-energise the connection in your relationship.
It is possible that you and your partner started out as friends initially so it may come easier to you when maintaining that friendship. But with time and all the challenges a relationship can face, it can become difficult to pay attention to the friend in our lover. As friendship is one of the key foundations of any healthy relationship, it's crucial to keep reinvesting in the friendship as time passes by. But how might one go about doing that?
Now that we understand love requires friendship to blossom, let us also consider how we can cultivate friendship in our relationships. Like your relationship, the friendship you and your partner share is also unique. To explore this, I spoke to some friends in love and what their relationship looks like.
Let's walk through what Suman and Megha from Bangalore do to keep their friendship alive. People around Suman and Megha often share that they're a case of opposites attract. Megha might enjoy art museums and slow mornings but Suman is a night owl who enjoys rock concerts. With very few common interests between them, they make sure to explore new activities together whenever possible. Their favorite thing to do together is to travel and visit places they've not been before. They say it's their way to create memories with each other and go on new adventures!
Shekhar and Zoya from Mumbai share that their friendship comes center stage when they are both supporting each other. Zoya points out how Shekhar stands up for her in uncomfortable situations and is always there providing her with a listening ear. Talking and sharing about everyday life with each other can seem mundane but for Zoya and Shekhar it shows intentionality. “We try to pay attention, it’s a simple thing but after a long day when we’re putting efforts to listen and stay curious about each other’s day, we feel connected and cared for”, shared Zoya.
And when it comes to Akshay and Gurneet, they like to relive the old days of their relationship. Akshay shared, “Being married for 4 years now we go back to our rituals from our early days.” Their ritual has been doing mini date nights where they like to keep things spontaneous - exploring old favorite food joints and driving around their old localities. It brings in fond memories and gives them time to reconnect.
With these stories of couples building their friendships across life stages, you can explore what friendship means to you in your relationship. Be it old rituals, showing support, or exploring new things; find what suits your relationship and get to it! Whatever way you choose, remember what's important is for you both to know — “You’ve got a friend in me!”
