Over time and after quite a few conflicts, I realized an important thing - I should keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand and not criticize my partner at the core of their character. That’s the difference between complaint and criticism.
Before speaking with my partner about what's bothering me, I usually let him know what I hope to get from the conversation. e.g "I just want to be heard", or, "I want your inputs on something and love for us to problem solve together", etc.
Having shared goals and working towards them together has been very helpful in keeping our relationship strong e.g saving for a vacation. Having something to work towards together keeps us motivated and gives us a sense of accomplishment.
Most couples avoid having difficult conversations that are necessary to create a life together. Instead, they try to avoid these issues and hope they would work themselves out. However, the truth is that they can't be on the same page without consistent communication.
My partner would sometimes react strongly to a situation and it would catch me off guard. Over time we learnt to talk about it once things calmed down and it helped me better understand her triggers and how i can avoid them.
We realised that division of household chores makes everyone better off. Over time we figured out what each one of us is good at, what we each love/hate doing, and then arranged accordingly.
