Before speaking with my partner about what's bothering me, I usually let him know what I hope to get from the conversation. e.g "I just want to be heard", or, "I want your inputs on something and love for us to problem solve together", etc.
Sorry isn't the end of anything. If you mean it, it's supposed to be the beginning that leads to a change. So, the next time you find yourself apologizing to your partner, take a moment to reflect on how you can turn that sorry into a catalyst for positive changes in your relationship.
I used to body-shame my partner by saying something negative about her height, looks, etc. But then I realized that I wasn’t having fun with her, but instead at her cost and it started to impact her mental health. I immediately apologized to her and stopped.
Over time and after quite a few conflicts, I realized an important thing - I should keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand and not criticize my partner at the core of their character. That’s the difference between complaint and criticism.
We tried hobby swapping and found a whole new world of things to do together. Who knew? Turns out I actually liked some of his hobbies! Now we have a whole list of shared interests, and our bond is stronger than ever!
Over time i realised that i was showing love in a way that i understood and wanted to receive. I thought "doing things" for her was the way, but she wanted "quality time" together. A small change there had a huge impact on our relationship