This week at Baely we have Gurugram, Haryana based Juhi Kulshreshtha and her husband Arijit Bose speaking to Consulting Editor Mahima Sharma about their 17 years of togetherness since 2005. Co-founders of HR Tech firm Reviewia, they share what kinds of regular rituals they do, to ensure they stick together despite their poles-apart nature along with different cultural backgrounds. Mahima Sharma narrates their tale as they speak.
Juhi was my (Mahima’s) childhood neighbor in South Delhi, and having seen her grow from strength to strength as a very strong family pillar after her father's demise, has always inspired me as a human.
But what we are here to share is the same strength, passion, emotions, and compassion she has in her own married life. So when Juhi and I reconnected after almost a decade, it was just a very warm bonding. And knowing the two of them was such a heartwarming thing! Why? Juhi and Arijit speak to me.......
THE COLLEGE ROMANCE & WEDDING
36-year-old Juhi narrates, "Mahima, our’s is an inter-cultural marriage, Arijit is a Bengali from Calcutta, now settled in Gurgaon. While I am from the Kayastha community born and brought up in Delhi. While we are culturally different and have gone through different kinds of upbringings, what really worked for us was the high level of transparency in who we were."
Her 41-year-old husband Arijit adds, "Arey Juhi, you are going too fast (we laugh). Let me tell you in steps. We met at a training program and immediately felt connected. When we met, we were young. Juhi was only 19 and in second year of college, while I was 23 and had just started my professional career. What attracted us to each other was a high degree of authenticity. There was hardly any effort to impress each other, rather it was all about finding meaningful companionship."
Juhi goes on, "As we kept meeting and interacting, we became very comfortable with each other, and very soon it was clear to both of us that it is not a fling but something long term. Organically our relationship kept evolving and marriage was like the natural progression which happened after dating for 4.5 years and we got married in January 2010."
THE REALIZATION - ROMANCE IS DIFFERENT THAN MARRIAGE!
But then while courtship was great, with a lot of mushy romance, the first year of marriage was a revelation for both of them. They both suddenly realized that dating someone and marrying the same person is like chalk and cheese!
Arijit recalls, "Both of us had our share of self discovery in that first year of marriage, we had a lot of arguments that usually couples have - even on petty things like food preferences, cooking, dealing with relatives, etc. Out of which we had our own share of learning that as a couple we are different in many ways. And we began openly communicating with each other on how to find a consensus among the differences of opinions we had.”
Juhi asserts, "With time we figured out ways of addressing the differences by talking it out or even taking some advice from our close friends, mentors or even by deep discussions as partners. The whole idea was to find consensus and retain the bond. We ensured we never slept over a fight. Solving issues together is what kills the past and gives momentum to the future - nipping the problem in the bud became our life mantra!"
DEVELOPING A GRATITUDE ATTITUDE WITH TIME
Juhi is a vivacious, spontaneous, and zesty individual which she still continues to be. Apart from that, Juhi also shares that she is a very malleable person who is willing to consider different views and not be prejudiced about things. Arijit claims he is someone who brings calmness to the relationship. And they both agree to this and laugh.
Moving on, after their share of arguments, meltdowns, and later at a certain stage a better bonding in life, they both realized that expressing gratitude to each other is as important as expressing love.
Juhi informs, "When my daughter was born in May 2014, Arijit was a great support during postpartum as well as while raising the child. I would often thank him for being him and a great buddy." Similarly, Arijit also knew that his wife, being a working professional and a dedicated home manager, was going the extra mile to ensure a happy family. Expressing gratitude to each other became their daily ritual, and this legacy is now moving on to their little daughter Pakhi who is eight years of age, and is learning via watching them.
Arijit adds, "Gratitude expression could be anything big or small - a gift or just saying thank you from DIL SE, while she passes a glass of water on the table to me! It is not a fixed role for anyone, but the whole idea is to discover our blessings via gratitude. Appreciation towards each other in daily life ensures we don't take the other for granted."
Here Juhi goes on to add that not getting into a sudden argument is also preventable when one practices mindful appreciation. She shows how this rubs off on the child as well, in a positive way, "Children absorb not just actions, but also the vibes. So as a couple we avoid any kind of argument in front of her; we involve her in discussions related to her. So when we express gratitude, our daughter gives it back to us in various ways. She hugs, she kisses, she makes us hold hands, and more. It is so touching. I believe that's our biggest blessing as a couple!"
ENTREPRENEURIAL PARTNERS 'CREATING COMMON FUTURES'
While Juhi and Arijit gathered varied experiences in their respective professional careers, they came together to run an HR consulting firm and have also launched an HR Tech Company called Reviewia in 2020 which Juhi joined in 2021.
So my next obvious question is how do they ensure a camaraderie as professionals and ensure the husband-wife ego and clashes at work take a back seat?
Juhi takes a pause to recollect her thoughts and shares, "While we are different in many ways, one fundamentally common thing between us is that we are both very improvement focused. We are committed to evolving with time as a couple, as humans. We believe in taking up new and larger challenges to expand our lives across all important aspects of life like parenting, being a spouse, area of health, spirituality, intellectual growth, and business. Hence we keep doing things around these common areas of interest etc. Our equal commitment towards our child ensures we participate together to give our daughter the best possible parenting."
Here Arijit adds his side of their story," About a year back in 2021, Juhi quit her job and has become a partner in our business and contrary to some skeptics who share concerns about husband – wife becoming business partners, it has been a very exciting journey. Since Reviewia is our second child, why should my wife not advise me, tell me a good reason? Rather, my soulmate would be the best to share her views the way she does for our daughter! So, earlier I was alone, now I have her nurturing our business together, and are working towards taking it to global levels. Another bonus of this is that we get to spend a lot of time together."
But my question again was how not to fight or argue over work? How do they ensure it?
Juhi informs, "As a practice, we do an exercise called “CREATING FUTURES”. E.g. What is the work target for the month or quarter? What are the home targets like how many vacations would we take in a year? How will we work towards improving our health? How much emotional and financial wealth would we create for ourselves and our business respectively? See, when we work on work and home plans together, there are fewer chances of neglecting either. And when neglect is less, friction is the least."
SMALL RITUALS THAT WE PRACTICE AS LOVE BIRDS
Juhi tells me that over time they have realized that few of the practices or tenets of a relationship go a long way in strengthening the bond. So what are these which BAELY calls Life's Daily Rituals?
Arijit says, "Each one has their own strengths, so we ensure we never undermine each other's views and preferences. Secondly, we ensure that we make time for each other apart from spending time as a family. We make it a point to go out for drives and coffee dates, or even evening walks where we share about our day with each other."
Here Juhi adds that we create challenges for each other in a positive way like a book reading challenge, a fitness challenge, or more. “This helps us become better versions of ourselves. Arijit is right in his views, each one has a life beyond work, beyond us two as well. So, we have our individual sets of friends and we take out time to spend time with them. In short, we enjoy our personal space and ensure we are independent thinkers beyond us two. This helps us retain our own individuality, plus bond better. Being clingy will only create a longing for more, we cut that out."
A couple of examples of this are - Juhi went on a solo trip to Japan (against popular family opinion) when her daughter was 3 years old, while Arijit took care of the child. Isn’t that WOW!?
Arijit informs that Juhi also went for a certain 10-day meditation practice where she was supposed to disconnect from the world, and he ensured that she did go, "Because for anyone it would be difficult to leave the family behind and have no contact. So we had to be each other's mental strength and make her go for these experiences peacefully, of course. It was her ME TIME to grow as a human. And I had to ensure it, the way she ensures my holiday or parties with my set of buddies."
THE TAKEAWAYS
Arijit sums up saying, "Over the course of these 17 years of partnership, we have realized that people evolve and so do their views in life. We have grown individually in these years but we have made it a point to grow “together” and not grow “apart."
Juhi smiles at him lovingly, they hold hands and she calls it a wrap with, "Marriage transforms from the initial romance and physicality to more about partnership, participation, and communication. Of course, never taking each other for granted is what we live by. Life has been a blessing together and we are grateful that we are getting the opportunity to spend time on this planet as partners."
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
