I am not the possessive type but when you notice your husband who you married two weeks ago often chatting with an ex, you do get weirded out.

My Husband Wanted to Stay Friends With His Ex

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Piyush and I had been dating for one year when he asked me to marry him. I was so happy, I literally said ‘Yes’ in five seconds. We got married after six months - and that’s when his ex-girlfriend reached out to him saying that she was going through a tough time in life and needed a friend. 

I am not the possessive type but when you notice your husband who you married two weeks ago often chatting with an ex, you do get weirded out. ‘Why is Kanika reaching out to you so much?’ I confronted Piyush. ‘Oh! Sorry I should have told you earlier, that her dad had a massive heart attack and her family is not being supportive, so she just needs some emotional support.’ He replied. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, but I don’t feel too comfortable about you talking to her’, I clarified. ‘Okay I’ll tell her that.’ He said as if he didn’t care about how I felt. 

I then asked him why would he tell her that? Who was she to know of our bedroom conversations? He should have been the one telling her, in the first place, that he feels bad for her but he is married now and he can’t really give her a shoulder to cry on. I cited examples of how he would have felt if I was being compassionate toward an ex-boyfriend of mine. The argument led to a huge fight and Piyush left home and did not return till very late that night. 

I had all kinds of thoughts going on in my mind - that he might be at her place, that he was going to leave me for her. Did I overreact? Am I the bad person here? Piyush and Kanika had been friends since childhood. Their parents used to be friends, but barely kept in touch ever since the kids decided to part ways - things were complicated. The only thing that was simple was the fact that Piyush loved me and had chosen me to be his partner for life, but this reality was clouded by insecurities at that moment. 

When Piyush came back home, he was very apologetic. ‘I am so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn’t being there for my ex-girlfriend, I was only trying to help out my childhood friend. I have seen her father since I was a kid and I felt really sad about the situation he is in. But I wronged you by agreeing to help her. So I won’t engage in conversation with her after this’. He said. 

I felt so bad for the way I had behaved, despite knowing what was going on and the dynamics of their relationship. That girl needed family support, and she had reached out to mine which shows what a nice and dependable family it was. And instead of stepping up as a member of this family, I was behaving like an immature outsider. So I held Piyush’s hand and told him that he should help Kanika and that I was also willing to come along and be by her side. Piyush was overjoyed by my initiative.

The next day we went to the hospital to meet uncle, and while Piyush did the running around for paperwork, I sat with Kanika and comforted her to the best of my ability. Kanika apologized to me for reaching out to Piyush and thanked me for being there for her. ‘I have found a new friend in you, thank you for breaking conventions and being so selfless. I am so happy that Piyush has found someone as wonderful as you', she said to me. 

That day I realized that nothing is ever black or white, and generalizing can lead to us missing out on strengthening bonds. Not every situation is the same and we should assess circumstances individually and always communicate mindfully. Impulses and reactivity can destroy relationships as well as our personalities.

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Teesta Rajan
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