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Apoorva and I had an arranged marriage last year. We both come from very traditional families and had never dated anyone before each other. I went to an all-boys school followed by an engineering college and she too is fully convent educated. We had a lot in common in terms of our upbringing and I would say we are in a happy marriage.
About two months after our wedding, on a Sunday afternoon, Apoorva left home to go shopping. She told me she’d be back by the evening. I was home alone and I had nothing much to do, so first I tried watching something on TV and eventually switched to adult content. I was doing my own thing when suddenly, out of nowhere my wife barged into the room.
At first, she couldn’t understand what I was doing and then she obviously realized. I was so shocked that I started pretending like I was scratching myself, but the film on my screen didn’t help my case. That ‘American Pie’ moment of my life made my wife perceive me as a pervert. And only I know how awkward it was to make her understand.
She didn’t speak to me for an entire week like I was a criminal or something. But one morning I decided to address the elephant in the room and asked her why she was so upset with me. At first she tried to dodge me, but I stood in her way. ‘You’re clearly not satisfied in this marriage,’ she said. ‘Hey! That’s not true!’, I replied. ‘So then what are you? A sex-addict? The one day I step out, you resort to cheating?’ She argued back. ‘Cheating? I wasn’t cheating! I was releasing! My stress, my boredom.’ By now I had her attention so I continued.
‘Men find actresses attractive while watching films, would you call that cheating? No, right? Masturbation isn’t even about porn, that just acts as a stimulant to redirect the blood-flow and helps curb distraction. And all this is in no way connected to the intimacy that we share. That is love, this is just stress-release, and it was unfortunate that you walked in while I was at it.’
‘So you’re not unhappy with us?’ She asked. ‘Of course not! It’s not like I go masturbate after we have sex. I don’t even do it for weeks, but every now and then, masturbating helps me clear my head.’ I was a hundred percent honest with her and she understood. ‘Next time, please lock the door’, she said and laughed.
That episode is now obviously a joke between Apoorva and me, but I feel intimacy requires transparency. It is very important for couples to be able to talk about things openly and that’s why I want every man and woman to know this anecdote of my life. Your partner is your confidant, but there’s a deeper connection that you have with yourself. So there’s no need to be apologetic for doing what makes you feel good as long as you have a morally correct reason to do it, and never shy away from opening up to your partner about it.
