Scheduling/planning sex may sound unromantic or even clinical, but in reality, it is sometimes the main reason long-term couples still have sex

How Scheduling Sex Can Help Improve Your Relationship

scheduling sex, long term relationship

Scheduling/planning sex may sound unromantic or even clinical, but in reality, it is sometimes the main reason long term couples still have sex. Spontaneous attraction for a partner has an expiration date and the more we spend time with one another, the less we might want to engage physically with each other. There are further barriers to regular and spontaneous sex. In today's fast-paced world, it's easy for sex to take a back seat to other priorities and responsibilities. There are kids,work, extended family’s needs and let’s not forget spending time with friends. But setting aside specific times for intimacy is very important if you want to prioritize your relationship and create more meaningful and enjoyable sexual experiences. Here are some reasons why scheduling sex can be beneficial, as well as some tips for making it work for you and your partner.

Why Should We Schedule Sex? 

First and foremost, scheduling sex can help you prioritize your relationship. When you set aside specific times for intimacy, you're making a conscious decision to prioritize your relationship and prioritize your own physical and emotional needs. This can be especially important if you and your partner have different libidos or if you have been in a long term relationship for a while. Scheduling sex can ensure that both of your needs are met and that you both discover new ways to initiate desires and pleasure.

Another reason to schedule sex is to create a sense of anticipation and excitement. When you know that you have a date night or intimate evening planned, it can add a sense of excitement and anticipation to your day. This can make the experience even more enjoyable when it finally arrives. Plus, by planning ahead, you can ensure that you have the time and energy to really focus on each other and enjoy the moment.

Scheduling sex can also help you break out of a rut and try new things. If you're in a long-term relationship, it's easy to fall into a routine and do the same things over and over again. By scheduling sex, you can take the opportunity to try new things and mix things up. This can be as simple as trying a new position or bringing in some toys, or it can be something more elaborate like planning a special date night or weekend getaway. Whatever you choose, scheduling sex can help you keep things fresh and exciting in the bedroom.

But scheduling is not enough. What goes along with the pragmatic act of scheduling is understanding what one wants to feel during physical intimacy on the given date. This is what will make scheduling it meaningful and exciting. 

So, How Do You Go About Scheduling Sex?

The first step is to talk to your partner about your desires and needs. Establish what does sex means to both. Some people think of penetration, others caresses, kissing, roleplay or stimulation of non genital body parts when they want to have sex. Be open and honest about what you want and why sex is important to you. Physical intimacy is important but it is much more meaningful to have it when we know why we are doing it. Some common reasons people have sex are: having an orgasm, validation, habit, to relieve stress, to experiment, to help their partner's mood, to feel desired, to get pregnant, etc. All reasons are valid and will help you understand yourself and your partner. Sex is much more than a physical activity or being horny.

Work together to find a schedule that works for both of you. This may mean setting aside specific days or times for intimacy, or it may mean planning more spontaneous encounters. The key is to find a schedule that works for both of you and that you're both comfortable with. Keep a minimum of 4 hours. This could be once a week, a fortnight, a month, a quarter. Whatever works as a middle path for both. It’s simple, if your partner wants to have sex once a week and you once a month, you could schedule for every 2 weeks.

It's also important to keep in mind that scheduling sex doesn't have to be rigid. If something comes up or you're just not in the mood for sex, it's okay to change your plans. Just make sure you communicate this to your partner and plan an alternative day/time immediately, just like you would do for an important meeting. When communicating the change of plans, remember to always start the conversation by expressing the feelings you have towards your partner and how you were looking forward to the experience, e.g. “I was really looking forward to spend time with you and telling you how much I desire you”. Maybe it’s not sex that you are in the mood for but you could do with some cuddling, a head massage, a coffee. It is the time spent together in pleasure that will matter the most.

Scheduling sex can be a helpful tool for improving your love life and creating more meaningful and enjoyable sexual experiences. By setting aside specific times for intimacy, you can prioritize your relationship and try new things to keep things fresh and exciting. Remember to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, and don't be afraid to mix things up and try new things. With a little planning and effort, you can create a love life that is fulfilling and satisfying for both you and your partner.


The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.

About the Interviewer
About the Author
Aili Seghetti
Founder @ The Intimacy Curator
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