Adrit and I have exclusively been together since 9th grade, so we’ve basically been together for over 12 years now, four out of which we’ve been married. We share a great bond - like you could say he’s my best friend. But the duration also means that we have exclusively been having sex for at least 10 out of these 12 years. And last year sometime, I found myself losing interest in bed with him - so here’s what I did.
Unlike men, women can fake orgasms. And I had begun doing a lot of that in the past two years of my marriage. True, we were together for 8 years before we got married, but we never lived together, so we looked forward to the time we could spend together. But once we got married, we went from having sex a few times a month to every single day! In the beginning, it was fun, but two years later, it all started feeling the same.
We had developed a routine. The same old short-lived foreplay, at times oral too but mostly jumping to climax. After a point, it felt like a job, but neither of us complained. He did his thing and I started to fake it. But the damage the faking did to me, made me lose interest in the man I was married to. Imagine being in a lifetime commitment with someone and suddenly realizing you don’t feel like having sex anymore and you’re only 25!
I suffered for a couple of months before I told my best friend about what was going on. She immediately advised me to tell him how I was feeling. She said I was betraying him by not telling him something so intimate. She also gave me the example of someone she knows who ended up cheating on their partner and eventually divorcing, only because they did not communicate their dissatisfaction.
I loved Adrit and I never wanted to betray him. So that night I brought up the issue with him. At first, he looked a bit embarrassed, so I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault - and maybe we could try new things to spice up our sex life. ‘Role-play?’ He asked. I immediately said ‘Yes’. I also pulled out a list of things we could do like try new positions, plan surprise attacks and discover new areas in the house to have sex in. He looked very excited.
‘I wish you had told me all this earlier, baby’. Adrit said. And I realized that this is where I went wrong. I wouldn’t have had to fake orgasms for two whole years had I not shamed my own self for wanting better sex. Indian women are often raised to be coy, especially in matters of physical intimacy - but I am glad that my friend gave me the courage to speak up before it was too late.
